My anxiety attacks are getting worse. This one is on it’s third day.
They don’t happen but every six months it seems, but each time it’s extraordinarily worse. I’m not sure how to handle them anymore.
I feel like I’m dying. If this is where it leaves me then I do not want to go on. I have found him, that one person I could only dream about meeting before this point. And yet these past few days there’s so much boiling within me. It whispers something is wrong. He says otherwise. He reassures me, tells me it is all okay. But then why do I suddenly have to pull those words out of him? Why does he not look at me when he speaks them? It is like he is running from them. A promise to never lie keeps me from breaking, it screams to stay rational. Could something completely unrelated to myself be affecting his behavior? Perhaps this thing has clouded him, thrust him into a darkness that for the first time he does not come to me for help. That’s just it though. He always reaches for me. Now even when we lye beside one another it feels as though he simply isn’t there. This isn’t some fast burning flame, it’s real. It’s the only real love I have ever felt. He is everything to me. If he leaves, that’s it. It won’t be like before where I would just walk it off the next day like nothing ever happened. It matters now. He matters. And if I lose him, I won’t be able to go on.
Can three days really be so different?